Resilience

"I'm moving and not moving at all. I'm like the moon underneath the waves that ever go on rolling and rocking. It is not, 'I am doing this,' but rather, an inner realization that 'this is happening though me,' or 'it is doing this for me.' The consciousness of self is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action."

-Bruce Lee, "Tao of Jeet Kune Do"

Resilience. Last year this word irritated me, if I am going to be honest. Whether or not its true for others, it just left me thinking "Its not like I chose resilience, the resilient life chose me." It was as though I had to be resilient when so much has happened to me. When I was growing up- things were taken, my anger was silenced, and no one listened except my two cousins who were close in age. Being resilient was my only option. I was forced into a pattern of resilience, unbeknownst to myself. It is exhausting and confusing. I didn't want to celebrate it because was was hurting. I would feel like a fraud when people would say things like "you are so resilient, you have overcome so much." Inside, it just reinforced a lie I was telling myself: that I was still broken, I was still weak- I just got better at hiding my injuries.

According to Merriam-Webster, resilience is defined as: "1. The capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress. 2. An ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change." The first part resonated with me. "The ability to recover its size and shape after deformation"; toxic stress, a debilitating physical injury. Trauma and chronic toxic stress both have an impact on the brain, how one views themselves and interperpates the world around them. This middle ground between healing and fighting is a weird place to be. Caught between two conflicting beliefs; I will affirm that there is hope. Our mind and body are capable of overcoming so much, no matter who you are and where you come from. We are meant to adapt and overcome even in the face of great odds or set backs. In time, the lessons learned can lead you to a deeper understanding of your capabilities. We are continuously on this journey of self discovery.

Our mind and body are capable of overcoming so much, no matter who you are and where you come from.

Resilience is our ability to bounce back and to continue to move forward. To find ourself, experience life on our own terms, to take back our power through honoring feelings with out being ruled by them. There comes a time when you will realize that you were never broken, you were surviving. Now, instead of healing- you are growing. By talking with compassion to yourself and others while keeping your best interests in mind. Resilience is being able to recognize emotions as a filter of information that is separate from self worth. Where you can hold space for those intense feelings that come along with grief all the while accepting them with a loving embrace. In time, you explore new ways to build a deeper confidence in yourself, based off of tangible accomplishments. Recognizing the scary things you may feel at times while making the decision to move forward; because the need and desire is far bigger than fear itself. To live the life of your dreams, and to live life as it is meant to be lived: with passion.

Right now, I am learning how the small day to day things can contribute to the broader spectrum of resilience. Getting out of bed even when you are tired, and starting the day in a way that you enjoy. Bouncing back, even when you sleep through your alarm for the sixth time. Giving yourself grace when you have self defeating thoughts like "I can't do this", and then continuing to following through. Moving through it, instead of sulking, and doing whatever it is that you needed and wanted to do. That my friend, is one way on how to build trust with yourself. That is one of many ways to build resilience. My therapist has pointed out that I have a higher "window of tolerance" when it comes to handling and navigating a crisis. At this time in my life, consequently, I have a smaller window of tolerance allowing my internal self to feel the 'lighter side of life'. Because of this, I have been working on building the smaller, fast twitch muscle of resilience. Allowing myself to create more opportunities for positive experience and to feel the broader spectrum of emotions stretch such as: joy, peace, and comfort. I am learning to tap into what I need and then follow through on those things that maintain trust within myself and my abilities.

Life is filled with so much nuance. Duality, where two opposites can work together in harmony. In that search for harmony, you need to experience those polarities (which is messy and confusing) then work on refining and understanding their purpose; how everything works together for the greater good. There must be hardship to foster growth, and there must be growth to take on new challenges. Sometimes, things need to break and fall apart in order to lay a new foundation. It takes time, trial, and error. Keep searching for meaning, insights, and inspiration regularly. Know that the life you are looking for, is also patiently waiting on you. You got this.

If you need any encouragement, please reach out to us, a therapist or a safe person. You are never in this alone.