It's funny how, from my experience, this quote is usually associated when someone is fed up. "Enough is enough! I can't take this anymore! Something has to change."On the other hand, "enough is enough" can give you permission to just be; to give yourself permission to learn and grow. In martial arts, you need just enough space to avoid getting hit while still remaining within your range to put in work. You need to preserve your energy, so you learn how to be efficient. Recently, I have been figuring out this thing called "self worth." I follow this really amazing woman by the name of Nawal Mustafa on Instagram (her handle is "@thebraincoach"). She did an incredible job explaining the difference between self esteem and self worth. She says, quote, "Self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves based on the things we do. To increase our self-esteem, we focus on becoming a better version of ourselves (eating healthy, working on mental health, increasing performance or appearance...etc). Self-worth is independent of our qualities or traits. It is believing and trusting that we are lovable and valuable as a person despite our accomplishments or what we are good at. It is knowing that despite failure or loss, we are capable human beings who are deserving of being loved. When we have repeatedly been given the message that we are "not enough" or "not worthy," it might be difficult to see our true value and rely on external validation to feel it. But our awareness is important here. Your worth is not based on how other people treat you. It is based on how you see yourself." (thank you Ms. Mustafa).
Self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves based on the things we do...
Self-worth is independent of our qualities or traits.
Even though life is dishing out amazing opportunities my way, and other people see my worth, I am still working my way through this murky wet land. I still have some monsters that are almost extinct. One of my personal mentors, and even doctors agree that "when you are healing, it will get worse before it gets better."
The discomfort of growth is fucking real. Before, the anger is what motivated me to make a change. Now, I am finding a way to lead with love for myself and find pleasure in my efforts to... "live my best life." I have had spurts in my life where I felt as though I was doing this without fully realizing it until it was no longer there. I am learning this lesson on a deeper level. Thats the thing, on the journey to self mastery, you learn the same thing, again and again, on different levels. We learn the different processes of mastery and how it relates to everything all around us. Everything, seems as one. I want to recondition myself to ease into the discomfort with compassion, curiosity, and excitement. To learn and grow without comparing myself against my past self or other people. Easing into discomfort allows one to continue to breath, to be curious, relax and learn where their limits are.
...Ease into the discomfort with compassion, curiosity, and excitement.
We try to live a life of consistent activities; work, school, side jobs- We're busy, staying 'strong' and pushing through while we ignore our inner wants and needs. We strive to maintain this facade of impeccable perseverance in order to fit in societies standards. It becomes our identity. The trouble with that, is that life can change in an instant. Your world can turn upside up down if you only hold onto the superficial aspects of self-esteem. Don't get it twisted, having high self-esteem feels great! With higher self-esteem, you can be proud of yourself and all the things that you are accomplishing. This can also lead to building a deeper meaning of self. Having high self-esteem could be a building block to attain a better sense of self worth. Who are you outside of your accomplishments? Who are you at your core? What moves you and motivates you? At night, when no one else is around and it's just you, are you happy and unconditionally in love with yourself?
At night, when no one else is around...are you unconditionally in love with yourself?
Personally, I am still unlearning toxic thought patters that I was taught at an early age. It can be so hard; somedays it feels like a game of ping-pong where thoughts are flying back and forth in my head. Almost as though you've dug yourself into a deep hole, and there is no way you can get back to where you were before. In these moments, I tell myself, "Hey self, I know that it feels like you are starting over, but that is impossible because you have already come so far. You are capable of starting a routine of tapping in with your higher self, working out and moving your body." And even though it feels like something is missing, I know that I will get there. I will continue to flourish. I know that the things that I keep working towards, that I put energy and work into, will come to fruition. At the end of the day, it's just not as easy as society makes it seem. A lot of people will try to sell you the key to happiness- when, deep down, it has always been inside of you.
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